Hm..I'll try and read your stories when I have time. When I say "have time," I mean when I'm not studying, gaming,reading Hellgate/Star Wars/Harry Potter, or watching Red vs Blue.
Okay, I have read the entire Forsty: The Series, and here are some of my comments:
1.On a positive note, the story was very well written. The grammar is top-notch, and the flow of the events is fluid and easy to follow. Keep up the good work! =D
2. Hm...my only negative comment would be on the use of too much descriptions of unessential objects (dropods, hypersonic dropship, flaks) in some chapters. Don't get me wrong, they're very well written, but their inclusion, in my opnion at least, disrupts the narrative.
3. Build on the characters, you've got a good head start with some of the supporting characters such as Hastarius and me, as it is clearly seen how their attitudes are.
4. I think the story needs a main anatagonist. Sure, having thounsands of MEAA infantry being the support of the villain is nice, but we need some form of commander. He doesn't need to be evil, saying: "Blah, must rule da world." but the introduction of a villain would be nice.
Anyway, great job so far, hope you continue the series.
3 comments:
You just want to get to that Chapter about a war / gunfight inside Xavier, don't you?
[It's Chapter ~45].
Hm..I'll try and read your stories when I have time. When I say "have time," I mean when I'm not studying, gaming,reading Hellgate/Star Wars/Harry Potter, or watching Red vs Blue.
Okay, I have read the entire Forsty: The Series, and here are some of my comments:
1.On a positive note, the story was very well written. The grammar is top-notch, and the flow of the events is fluid and easy to follow. Keep up the good work! =D
2. Hm...my only negative comment would be on the use of too much descriptions of unessential objects (dropods, hypersonic dropship, flaks) in some chapters. Don't get me wrong, they're very well written, but their inclusion, in my opnion at least, disrupts the narrative.
3. Build on the characters, you've got a good head start with some of the supporting characters such as Hastarius and me, as it is clearly seen how their attitudes are.
4. I think the story needs a main anatagonist. Sure, having thounsands of MEAA infantry being the support of the villain is nice, but we need some form of commander. He doesn't need to be evil, saying: "Blah, must rule da world." but the introduction of a villain would be nice.
Anyway, great job so far, hope you continue the series.
Post a Comment